Walkin' the street
Hopin' to meet
A real-life Satan's daughter
Oh what I'd give for a chance to be with
A queen of the red-light quarter
"Open All Night", the sign was so bright
I found myself steppin' inside
"What'll it be" she said lookin' at me
I said "whaddaya got?"
She replied,

"Do you want to eat it here or take it away?
It makes no difference to me as long as you pay
I'm open seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day
So do you want to eat it here or take it away?"

Well I'm just a poor boy a long way from home
And I have to admit I been drinkin'
I was feeling cocksure but I don't anymore
And there's no reason to my way of thinkin'
"I'll take it away", I heard myself say
But by now I had no appetite
I was feeling so strange as I picked up my change
And walked out into the night

Do you want to eat it here or take it away?
It makes no difference to me as long as you pay
I'm open seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day
So do you want to eat it here or take it away?

Well do you want to eat it here or take it away?
It makes no difference to me as long as you pay
I'm open seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day
So do you want to eat it here or take it away?

Testing

Hello testing, one...
Are we on? Are we on?
bass plugged in? Okay...

Hello testing (one two)
Testing (ONE TWO)
How do you do?
Testing (one two)
It's ONE
derful
TWO
be here
Testing one two, testing one two
Two

There once was a very famous man
On his famous horse he'd ride through the land
The people used to see him everywhere
When he died, they put a statue in the square

    (hooray)

Here comes the Equestrian Statue
Prancing up and down the square
Little old ladies stop 'n' say
"Well, I declare!"

Once a month on a Friday there's a man
With a mop and bucket in his hand
To him it's just another working day
So he whistles as he rubs and scrubs away

    (hooray)

Here comes the Equestrian Statue
Prancing up and down the square
Little old ladies stop 'n' say
"Well, I declare!"

It's a sight to bring you joy, you feel so gay
And it's guaranteed to brighten up your day
If it's gray

    (hooray)

Here comes the Equestrian Statue
Prancing up and down the square
Little old ladies stop 'n' say
"Well, I declare!"

It's a sight to bring you joy, you feel so gay
And it's guaranteed to brighten up your day
If it's gray

Feel so gay
Feel so gay
Feel so gay
Feel so gay
Feel so gay

Hi hi hi, low low low
Hey hey hey, quick quick slow
Here's a brand new dance
I'll tell you how it's done
It's a little unusual
And not much fun
It's not like the bump
It's not like the hustle
And it'll never never never
Be filmed by Ken Russell

It's the hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get
Hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get

It's easy to do
You soon get the knack
You just shrug your shoulders and turn your back!

And do the hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get
Hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get

Keep your distance
Keep your cool
Let no one come near you
That's the golden rule
HARD TO GET!

Hi hi hi, low low low
Hey hey hey, quick quick slow

You just groove around
When you do this dance
You don't give no one
A second glance
But sure as X is X
And there are stars up above
The hard to get
Is a dance of love

So do the hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get
Hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get

It's easy to do
You soon get the knack
You just shrug your shoulders and turn your back!

And do the hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get
Hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get

Be unapproachable! Remain aloof!
Pass the time of day with no one!
Be on your own!
HARD TO GET!

Hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get
Hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get
Hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get
Hard to get, hard to get
Everybody's doin' the hard to get

Weh-heh-hell everybody
Is doin'
the ha-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ard
To get.....

Rutland Weekend Songbook album     download Rutland Weekend Television tv show     download

They came in countless numbers
Without hope, without hopelessness
On jelly limbs
Faceless
Crawling out of the living sea.
The green world welcomed them
It sweetened the air for them
And above all, the sun warmed them
And dried them
By night, in dreamless sleep
The new life filled them
Piping strange harmonies in the blood
Fusing the beginnings of bones
Then hunger awoke them
And sleepy with a sense of being
They arose and moved inland
Fulfilling their new-found needs
They called out to one another
The winds carried their cries
Over mountains, through forests,
Across deserts and oceans
Great distances were traveled
The strong devoured the weak
The quick devoured the slow
The cunning devoured the foolish
They fed on each other without malice
or remorse
Their purpose was survival
Life was their achievement
They formed into groups
Some took to the air
Some burrowed underground
And some returned to the water
From icecap to icecap
The globe rang with their cleverness
And with each turn
Gave them meaning

Animation by Bill Mather

East of the Moon tv show     download

If there's a song to sing I wanna sing it
If there's a joy to bring I wanna bring it
If there's a gift to give I wanna give it
If there's a life to live I wanna live it
These things I want to do
I want to do for you
If there's a way to go I wanna go-oh
If there's a love...

Innes Book of Records tv show     download Reprise: also from the Innes Book of Records tv show     download

What do you see?
What do you feel?
What's going on, you look around, where are you now?
Is this a dream
Or is it real?
Time seems to fly and yet be standing still somehow

No one, no one knows the time
No one, no one can be sure
No one, no one in this whole wide world
No one
No one knows the future

Now is the time
Don't ask me how
Forevermore
The time is Now

You're lost for words
Without a voice
You look around and yet there is no mystery
You see the past
You have no choice
For every moment of your life is history

No one, no one knows the time
No one, no one can be sure
No one, no one in this whole wide world
No one
No one knows the future

  Now is the time, don't ask me how
   Forevermore the time is Now
    Now is the time, don't ask me how
      Forevermore the time is Now
       Now is the time, don't ask me how
         Forevermore the time is Now
          Now is the time, don't ask me how
            Forevermore the time is Now
              Now is the time...

From East of the Moon tv show   download God I wish he'd release a clear stereo version of this song!

 

We don't know what's going on
We don't know how it works
It's all the same to you and me
That's how the pickle squirts

'Cause we're all having the time of our lives
the time of our lives
the time of our lives
Yes we're all having the time of our lives
the time of our lives
Tonight!

Oh you can sneak time
and you can dream time
But just like some drummers
we've had the often damaging experience of working with
You just can't keep time

Cause we're all having the time of our lives
the time of our lives
the time of our lives
We're all having the time of our lives
the time of our lives
Tonight!

(McGough/Innes)

We're the Womble bashers from Walthamstow
We make Womble trouble wherever we go
From Wimbledon to Wembly Park
We bash Wombles for a lark

In the early days they was okay
In a long-haired sort of way
Collectin' litter and every-fing
Trouble was they started to sing
COR!
Next thing they was in the charts
Prancing round like a load of tarts
Ever since Top Of The Pops t.v.
They fink they're better then you and me

We're the Womble bashers from Walthamstow
We make Womble trouble wherever we go
From Wimbledon to Luton, Beds
We play soccer wif Wombles 'eads

Whoever 'eard of cuddly toys
Makin' such a boddly noise
Their mimin' ability's minimal
If you ask me the whole fing's criminal

So if you've got a Womble in your home
You'd better watch out when your alone
'cause one dark night we'll make a call
Bash the Womble, you and all!

We're the Womble bashers from Walthamstow
We make Womble trouble wherever we go
From Wimbledon to John O'Groates
We wear Wombleskin fur coats
We're the Womble bashers from Walthamstow
We make Womble trouble wherever we go
From Wimbledon to Wembly Park
We bash Wombles for a lark
We're the Womble bashers from Walthamstow
We make Womble trouble wherever we go
From Wimbledon to Luton, Beds
We play soccer with Wombles 'eads...

ahhhhhhhh....

From the GRIMMMS album Sleepers     download Yes that is Neil singing lead!

One night I dreamed that I was dead
A butterfly flew into my head
"How do ya do" she said
"I'm an angel"
She said no more, she said no less
I said "can you get me out of this mess
If you can well then I guess you must be an angel"

But then a worm crawled up my nose
And said to the butterfly "I suppose
You think because of your beautiful clothes
You're an angel"

Well the butterfly smm-iled a knowing smile
And said "a miss is as good as a mile
Nothing on earth can cramp the style of an angel"

Then the worm said "I'm not satisfied
And if you'll kindly step outside
In a civilised way we can soon decide who's an angel"
Well I was turnin' in my grave
The worm began to rant and rave
And the butterfly did not behave like an angel

Then I awoke and found them gone
I looked at the trees and the morning sun
and wondered if the worm had won or the angel
It's not every day you see the light
But after such a restless night
I knew that only a worm could fight an angel

The Worst is Yet to Come

AND THE SKY STANDS TO ATTENTION WAITING FOR THE SIGN
AND THE MOON CALLS TO HER WARRIORS AND THE WARRIORS FALL IN LINE
AND THE SKY AND THE MOON AND THE WARRIORS MOVE SLOWLY INTO BATTLE
'TIS US YOU HEAR WHEN THE BREATHING FAILS AND THE HEART BEGINS TO RATTLE

And the worst is yet to come
The worst is yet to come
Yes the worst is yet to come

Famine, fire, upheaval
Civil war and hate
The people scream for mercy
But their screaming comes too late
The sea throws up its corpses
The air is dank and stale
Archipelagos of bellies
Salmon, shark and whale

There is thunder underground and the sun goes round and round
There is thunder underground and the sun goes round and round
There is thunder underground and the sun goes round and rou-hou-hound!

And the worst is yet to come
The worst is yet to come
THE WORST IS YET TO COME
AND THE WORST IS YET TO COME

But the...

Goody-goody good times
Outnumber the bad times!
Everybody knows...
So today,
We'll laugh and be happy!
Tip tippy tip tappy!
And chase all the blues away!
Pass the Veras,
We'll chase all the blues away...

Lets jazz!!!

Forgive me if I look a loser
But do you think I choose the way I feel?
Remember what you see
Is just the part of me I can't conceal
Remember me to all your friends outside the door
Don't think that I don't know just what they're waiting for
I'm a nervous wreck
I have no need for self-respect
Although I shake my head
When I think of all the things I could've said

What's the use in cryin' after all is said and done
It's not the end in fact it's only just begun
Now I have to try and look the future in the eye
Although I shake my head
When I think of all the things I could've said

Is it any wonder that I'm down
All I have to do is look around
I thought it could get better, I was wrong
Could it be I waited far too long?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight

No more taking chances
Now I've got the choice
There must be a purpose
Each time I raise my voice
No more tongue in cheek
And I will think before I speak
Although I shake my head
When I think of all the things I could've said
Although I shake my head
When I think of all the things I could've said

I shake my head
When I think of all the things I could've said
I shake my head
When I think of all the things I could've said
I shake my head
When I think of all the things I could've said

ooo-oo, ooo-oo, ooo-oo, ooo-oo,
ooo-oo, ooo-oo, ooo-oo...

The world is full of people with lots of things to say
Some of them are false and some are true
But there's something to be said for each and every one
So here is my advice to you

Think before you speak
Just think before you speak
A thoughtless stream of words
Is strictly for the birds
So think before you speak

Think before you speak
Just think before you speak
If you mind is in a flutter
Stuff & nonsense you will utter
Causing everyone to mutter "silly girl,
her poor little head is in a whirl"

Think before you speak
Just think before you speak

Tomorrow never comes
And it's just as true today
If you don't know what you mean
Than you don't mean what you say

So think before you speak
Just think before you speak
Give your brain the simple task
Of choosing what you ask
And think before you speak
Just think before you speak
Whattaya do... before you speak?

From Innes Book of Records TV show     download

Two armchairs and a sofa make our world complete
We just bought a brand new three piece suite
It matches the curtains and the walnut veneer
The hire purchase will finish in a year
Or two

aaaahhhhhh ah-ah-ah ahhhh
ah-ah-ah ahhhh ah-ahhhh
ah ah ah ahhhhh

Eating Chinese pizza and staring into space
We are so very lucky to have a nice place
Decent next-door neighbours
With similar values
Throwing weekend parties
With lots and lots of booze

The sun is in the sky
The stars still burn
Beneath my feet the earth is newly-turned
All the seeds are sown
And when they're fully grown
I shall sleep just like a stone in shallow water

A little time to live
Is such a lot of time to kill
Keep on moving even when you're standing still
Looking for an end and wondering how or when it will
But when its gone and in the past
The stars will surely last
Forever

The sun is in the sky
The stars still burn
Beneath my feet the earth is newly-turned
All the seeds are sown
And when they're fully grown
I shall sleep just like a stone in shallow water

A little time to live
Is such a lot of time to kill
Keep on moving even when you're standing still
Looking for an end and wondering how or when it will
But when its gone and in the past
The stars will surely last
Forever

Tinsel and String

In the name of Jesus Christ
Christmas time is here again
Peace on Earth, goodwill to men
In the name of Jesus Christ

In the name of Jesus Christ
Happy faces all aglow
Paper chains and mistletoe
In the name of Jesus Christ

Oh, newborn King
Your praise we sing
These gifts we bring
Tinsel and string

In the name of Jesus Christ
Shoppers up and down the street
Lots to drink and lots to eat
In the name of Jesus Christ

In the name of Jesus Christ
Lots of money changing hands
Enough supplies to meet demands
In the name of Jesus Christ

Oh, newborn King
Your praise we sing
These gifts we bring
Tinsel and string

In the name of Jesus Christ
Christmas time is here again
Peace on Earth, goodwill to men
In the name of Jesus Christ

In the name of Jesus Christ
All things bright and beautiful
The thought that counts is in us all
In the name of Jesus Christ

Oh, newborn King
Your praise we sing
These gifts we bring
Tinsel and string

Oh, newborn King
Your praise we sing
These gifts we bring
Tinsel and string

Oh, newborn King
Your praise we sing
These gifts we bring
Tinsel and string

Slick Willie was a shoeshine boy
Workin' downtown, 42nd Street
He had a little racket dealin' out some packets
that no one ever saw him eat

Well Rita was a go-go dancer
in a bar just across the street
While Willie shined shoes Rita swung her boobs
to a hunky, funky, junkier beat

Topless-A-Go-Go
Put a little shine on your shoes
Dress up nice, 'cause you're in paradise
And you chase away the mean ol' blues

Well Willie knew Rita danced topless
And Rita knew Willie shined shoes
Because very night among the flashing lights
They'd come out 'n' say "How do you do?"

There each went about their business
Until the break of day
Then they count out the bucks while the garbage trucks
Tow the rest of the night away

Topless-A-Go-Go
Put a little shine on your shoes
Dress up nice, 'cause you're in paradise
And you chase away the mean ol' blues

Dooby doop doo
Doobly doobly doo
Waah waah
Dooby doop doo
Oooh oooh

Well Willie was found in an alley
And Rita got stabbed by a drunk
A telephone call replaced "The Belle of the Ball"
and there was someone else dealin' out junk

Well if you can't see the moral of this story
Well then you can't see the trees for the wood
Because the things that are done in the name of fun
Can cost a whole lot more than they should

Topless-A-Go-Go
Put a little shine on your shoes
Dress up nice, 'cause you're in paradise
And you chase away the mean ol'...

Topless-A-Go-Go
Put a little shine on your shoes
Dress up nice, 'cause you're in paradise
And you chase away the mean oool' bluues!

How Sweet to be an Idiot album     download Rutland Weekend Television tv show     download