Well, wasn't she a stunner?
And in a similar vein,
it's time for "Underwater Golf"
A Rutland Weekend Pictosketch
Well, wasn't she a stunner?
And in a similar vein,
it's time for "Underwater Golf"
Tonight we'll be examining a new philosophy of Noam Chomsky's that Plato wore no panties, and we'll be bringing you some more entries in our "Abuse A Philosopher" competition in which a chemist from Tidemouth has called Nietzsche "a silly little oyk", a Mrs. Harpinton of Leicester has said that Jean Jacques Rousseau was "a froggy fatty", and a (Miss) Pamela Bettermint of the Tenements Billston has referred to Empedocles of Acragas as "a half-baked bubble git with the brains of a berk". |
But first, we examine a report that leading West End stores are selling their own philosophy. And we ask the question, is the viability of empirical knowledge simply the denial of a priori concepts of essense, or is the existential state, in the teleological sense of Karl Popper's falsifiability criterion, another form of Occam's razor, or is it all just a big con? |
Ray Laycock is chief philosophy salesman at a leading London West End store |
 |
.
This is simply not true. In this store's philosophy department we provide the best, the most exclusive, and certainly the most expensive philosophy in the world. |
What is more, our philosophy is sold by proper salesmen in suits and not flogged by scruffy little Indians! |
Mr. Plato? Yes sir? |
This gentleman is interested in learning a little of our store's philosophy. |
Certainly sir, what income bracket were you thinking of sir? |
Well, what is there? |
Well, Fortnam & Mason philosophy starts at around 14,000 pounds per annum sir and goes on up, our store's philosophy starts at 20,000 pounds per year. |
Well, how does it work? Well it is based sir on what Immanuel Kant calls "Pure Wealth." We pander to the rich. |
|
Isn't that a bit sycophantic? |
It's much much more rewarding sir. |
Marshall & Snellgrove's philosophy states that "If a man has no money, he is as a tiny piece of ordure in the sight of extremely rich people." |
I see. It is as easy sir for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven as it is to stick a needle in a camel. |
Over the bridge sir, pets department, where Maudling the camel awaits the doubter's needle. |
Conclusive proof I feel sir. |
Hmmm. Well, unfortunately I'm rather poor. |
If you are poor sir then you should sell all you have and give it to the extremely rich. |
Well what's the point of that? |
Well it makes them much much much richer sir. Harrod's philosophy teaches that all wealth belongs to the extremely rich. |
Yes, but someone could always steal from the rich. |
Then they must be killed sir, for it is better to be dead than poor. This is a maxim from our Gift Department. |
 |
So if I was to lose all my money... |
Then our Philosophy Department would betray you to our Funeral Department. |
Ah, but I've already left my body to Swann & Edgar. |
 |
This cult of leaving bodies to London's West End stores is starting to bother the medical profession, who are fast running out of stiffs to mess about with. |
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