The early morning train
Takes me back again
Though I do not know your name
You're by my side
Oooh I love you
I cry from deep inside
But love is what you hide
On the early morning train

I look out of the window
I look down at my shoes
At the man with the Dan Dare eyebrow
And secretly at you

Oooh, I love you
But what am I to do
How can I get through
On the early morning train

Maybe it's the train that takes me where I'm goin'
But baby you're the one that shakes me
Without knowing

The train runs down the line
Your mouth waits for a smile
But your eyes still show a sign
Do Not Disturb

Oooh, I love you, but how can I be heard
When no one says a word
On the early morning train
When no one says a word
On the early morning train

East Of The Moon

There's a place I know
Where people come and go
It's neither here nor there
It's anytime and anywhere

East of the moon and west of the sun
As far as the eye can see
East of the moon and west of the sun
I'll find you and you'll find me

East of the moon and west of the sun
Where anything can happen
East of the moon and west of the sun
Where anything can happen

East of the moon and west of the sun...

Easy Listening

Easy listening, I'm in that easy listening mode
Easy listening, why don't we do it in the
middle of the road?
Kick off your shoes, sit back, relaxez-vous
Tell me what more can an old rocker do?
Easy listening, easy listening

Easy listening (never mind the world outside)
Easy listening (famine war and genocide)
Easy listening (forget the looney on the loose)
Easy listening (rising crime and child abuse)
Ignore the poisoned atmosphere
Open up another beer
The media feeds ya every day
what to think and say

Kick off your shoes, sit back, relaxez-vous
(relaxez-vous relaxez-vous relaxez-vous)
Tell me what more can an old rocker do?
(rock-a-do, rock-a-doo ooo ooo)
Easy listening
(Life could be a dream)
Easy listening

Ego Warriors

Windsurfers do it, do it standing up
Tiddly winkers do it in a little plastic cup
Weekenders do it in a caravan
Ego Warriors do it anywhere they can

Ego Warriors we are all
Ego Warriors
We are all together in the middle of the road
We have had enough of information overload

Journalists do it, do it every day
Politicians do it in their own sweet way
Style gurus do it in your dreams
Ego Warriors do it with their self-esteem

We don't know but we’ve been told
(We don't know but we’ve been told!)

We are worth our weight in gold
(We are worth our weight in gold!)

We have no superiors
(We have no superiors)

We have no inferiors
(We have no inferiors!)

We are individual
(We are individual!)

Up to date and digital
(Up to date and digital!)

Ego Warriors we are all
Ego Warriors
We are all together in self defense
We are not a part of a mass audience

Archbishops do it in the name of God
Gourmets do it with a gastropod
Ballet dancers do it on the tips of their toes
Ego Warriors do it with a thumb and a nose

Ego Warriors we are all
Ego Warriors
We are all together in the name of fun
Ego Warriors one for all and all for one

Ego Warriors!
One for all and all for one

Ego Warriors!
One for all and all for one

Ego Warriors!
One for all and all for one

  Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik

Look at all the nice things money can buy
Everyday there's more and more
Do you ever stop and wonder why
You're neither rich nor poor?
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik

Dropping off the school kids in the second car
Parking on the yellow line
Getting in the shopping on a credit card
Knowing how to choose a wine
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik

Proud of your home and your neighborhood
It's so up and coming that you feel so good!

This is freedom in a land of plenty
You get nowhere if you just stand still
You got to hold on to what you got as best you can
Cause if you don't someone else will

Look at all the nice things money can buy
Every day there's more and more
Do you ever stop and wonder why
You need to lock your door?

Loneliness is all that people ever share
Smuggling their pain through "Nothing to Declare"
Living next to people who agree to disagree
Happy in their pie chart society
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik


Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Musik-a
Eine Kleine Middle Klasse Myuhoo-oo-oo-oo-oo-hoozik-AH
ah, ah, ah....
ah....

DL

Elvis and the Disagreeable Backing Singers

I got a big blue suit
                   (he's got a big blue suit!)
I got a date tonight
                  (he's got a date tonight!)
And when I see my babe
                  (and when he sees his babe!)
I'm gonna root toot toot
                   (he's gonna root toot toot!)
I'm gonna root toot toot
              (he's gonna root toot toot!)
In my big blue suit
                   (in his big blue suit!)
Well you can take all my money and throw it away!
     (aaahhhhhh)             (yeahhhhhh!)

Thank you very much, that was called...
    (thank you very much, that was called!)
Okay fellas.
    (okay fellas!)
No no, it wasn't called that.
     (no no, it wasn't called that!)
Look do you guys have to keep repeating everything I say in close harmony?
     (of course we do we're backin' singers!)
Well uh, huh, try being a little less forward.
    (big head!)
What?
     (big head!)
Take it easy guys!
    (just because you're out front, it don't make you a better person!)
I never said it...
    (it gets really boring singing DOO-WAH DOO-WAH all the time!)
Well somebody has to be out front.
     (why you, go on tell us, why you?)
I guess I move well on stage.
    (move well? moooove well??? You should see what you look like from behind!!!)

Et Cetera

Once upon a time there lived a
King and Queen oh yeah
Happy ever after in a castle in the air
Then one day a dragon came and everyone turned pale
But God was on their side and so they
lived to tell the tale
That life goes on as once upon a time

Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera
Et Ceterahhhh...

Talk about religion, talk about philosophy
Talk about between the devil and the deep blue sea
But life goes on as once upon a time

Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera
Et Ceterahhhh...

Sing a song of happiness and
sing a song of love
Sing about the evil things that we must rise above
Sing about injustice, sing of misery and pain
Sing about the universe and sing it all again
For life goes on as once upon a time

Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera
Et Ceterahhhh...

And we shall live forever
Or at least until as once upon a time
time, time, time, time, time, time, time, time...

I am standing on a station platform
enjoying the evening sun
How it shines on the tracks
and on the backs
of other people waiting

In my mind's eye
I suddenly become one of the small summer birds
that are dipping and swooping so freely
under the evening sun

The trees look so different from above
Not so solid not so tall
It doesn't matter
where in the world I am
under the evening sun

I see everything around me

The castle-like people
waiting for trains
standing with faces too far from their brains

I see everything around me

All at once as if from nowhere
A train is coming to a standstill
Opening doors and I am once more
among my fellow travelers

We climb aboard
to rattle underground
avoiding each other's eyes
As I cling to a handrail above me
I suddenly realize
it doesn't matter
where in the world I am
under the evening sun

I was sitting in my armchair, watching my TV
Searching for something half-decent to see
I settled on a Blockbuster Action Movie
And in no time at all, the Hero was Me

I was using Strong Language, chasing Bad Guys
All Hell breaking loose, before my eyes
Explosions, Car Chases, and Fake Alibis
Butt naked babes with tattooed thighs.

I eye I eye
Eye Candy
Simulacra chimera
In loco parentis
I eye I eye
Eye Candy
Effluent a-plenty pour it on
Mass Media

At the Ambassador's Reception, I had to get away
So I hid behind a pyramid of Ferrero Roche
Only to find myself in Match of the Day
Scoring a last-minute goal against the run of play

But no sooner had the referee's whistle been blown
I was sucked into a Computer Graphic cyclone
And dumped on a sofa with a Cartoon Telephone
Telling me how easy it can be to get a loan.

I eye I eye
Eye candy
Soap Operas as frequent as
Whacky Co-Presenters
I eye I eye
Eye candy
Effluent a-plenty pour it on
Mass Media


I was being zapped around from place to place
From World War 2 in Colour to Outer Space
Trying to save the Future of the Human Race
I was the one with the lumps on his face

I was a TV chef chopping up a courgette
I was an Emergency Animal Hospital Vet
With my hand up some fluffy Family Pet
I was trapped inside my own TV set

In a mixture of panic and darkest despair
I tapped on the glass to see if someone was there
I saw myself sitting in my own easy chair
I waved but all I got was an empty stare

I knew I was in trouble, my head was in a spin
My reality dissolving like an aspirin
I was a Dog Food full of Goodness and Multivitamins
I was the Toilet Bowl Germ with the wicked grin.

I eye I eye
Eye candy
Simulacra chimera
In loco parentis
I eye I eye
Eye candy
Effluent a-plenty pour it on
Mass Media

[all together now.]

I eye I eye
Eye candy
Simulacra chimera
In loco parentis
I eye I eye
Eye candy
Effluent a-plenty pour it on
Mass Media

 

A live performance but not sure from where or when; probably 2002 or 2003 Download Link (right click, "save link as")	Live performance: Neil dedicates the song to a special fan
	Animated video I (Bonnie) made in 2004

Face Mail In The Meat Zone

They call me a silver surfer
Because I'm old and gray
A kind of new age pensioner
Who can handle I.T. okay

I may be at home on the internet
Online and up to speed
But can these modem times really get
Get me all I need?

I need the real world
Show me the real world
Where scissors cut paper
And paper wraps stone
Give me face mail in the meat zone

Out on the superhighway
Where the jargonauts come and go
I can get all the information
I'll ever need to know

Just as easy as finding your Christmas tree lights
All tangled up in a ball
One dark bulb in the scheme of things
And you get no joy at all

I need the real world
Show me the real world
Beyond the reach of digital t.v.
Online shopping at dot com-ci, com-çà

We are but flesh and bone
Give me face mail in the meat zone
Face mail in the meat zone...

Well I know what over the hill is
So before I click "undo"
I'm downloading Monet's "Lilies"
To send as an attachment to you

I need the real world
Show me the real world
Where scissors cut paper
And paper wraps stone
Just you and me, all on our own
With a really good bottle of Cote du Rhone

Give me face mail in the meat zone
Face mail in the meat zone
Face mail in the meat zone.

Fallen Arch Angel

I used to be in heaven
Up on cloud nine
With a silver linin'
I used to call mine
Now you can find me
Walkin' the street
I'm a fallen arch angel
Oh my poor feet!

Feel No Shame

Once I knew a love so true
Every inch an artist
An eye for detail, without equal
And a face for trusting

A country girl who knew the world
But who's judgment was too reckless
And when in turn she showed concern
She wore it like a necklace

So come on now, have yourself a good time
Go out and share the blame
Do what you should but if it makes you feel good
I hope you feel no shame

She could not see that sympathy
Was no recompense
A gift belated, motivated
By a guilty conscience

A hand that steals and a hand that heals
The Anglo-Saxon attitude
The hand that feeds the hand that needs
Can expect no gratitude

So come on now, have yourself a good time
Go out and share the blame
Do what you should but if it makes you feel good
I hope you feel no shame ]

Oh, what I'd give once more to live
In childhood innocence
The things men do with words so true
Would seem much more like common sense

An empire built on civilized guilt
Yet the homeland still is the stranger
To my friends who make amends
But in tryin' see no danger

So come on, have yourself a good time
Go out and share the blame
Do what you should but if it makes you feel good
I hope you feel no shame

I hope you feel no shame
I hope you feel no shame on you

Yeah... yeah yeah yeah!

Whoaaah!

I hope, I hope you feel no shame

From Re-Cycled Vinyl Bluesd download
Mono tv recording from Innes Book of Records download
Live in Hollywood 2003 Joel Druckman bass, Rutling Ken Thornton guitar download

Five Learned Scholars

One
Two
One, two, three, four
Five learned scholars
were each paid a dollar
to see if they could find out something new
but they met with some resistance
for accordin' to the distance
they noticed things got smaller or they grew

A ship far out at sea
looked no bigger than a flea
relatively speaking of its size
so they thought it more effective
to eliminate perspective
as all they had to do was close their eyes

Having thus removed illusion
they were thrown into confusion
for they found the darkness painful to their shins
so it met with their approval
to order the removal
of everything from elephants to pins

A passion in them burned
they left no worm unturned
they flattened all the bumps to fill in holes
and from Leicester to East Anglia
made continents rectangular
and evenly distributed the poles

But still it was no use
from their sponsors came abuse
along with threats of "not a penny more!"
so in exasperation
they proclaimed imagination
the novelty they'd all been searching for

The five of them sat drinkin'
all alone amongst their thinkin'
but of the gab sadly each still had the gift
and so with each uncorkin'
the wine did all the talkin'
and as each one held forth, each one came fifth

And long into the night
they argued wrong and right
'til death itself called out "last orders please,"
so the five learned scholars
sang a song for five dollars
and left this life upon their hands and knees.

Fluff on the Needle

Fluff on the needle
Fluff on the needle

Took my baby home last night, turned the lights down low
Put my most romantic album on the stereo
I moved a little closer sayin' "honey dig this sound"
But she just grabbed her coat and hat and said
"See you around!"

Fluff on the needle
It's a teenager's curse
Fluff on the needle
I hope it don't get worse
Fluff on the needle
It's a teenager's curse
Fluff on the needle
an' I hope it don't get worse

Oh, no!

  Sometimes I feel I just can't win
(fluff on the needle)
     Let the head transplant begin
(fluff on the needle)
         Electric soup can opener tin
 (fluff on the needle)
           Banana strip light neon skin
(fluff on the needle)
             Silly talcum powder grin
(fluff on the needle)
                Extra garment fitted thin
(fluff on the needle)
                  Double mirror two-way chin
 (fluff on the needle)
                    Siamese chrome-plated twin
(fluff on the needle)
                      Diesel finger fish engine
(fluff on the needle)
                        Legs eleven next of kin
(fluff on the needle)
                          Drinking safety chocolate pin
(fluff on the needle)
                            Dizzy effervescent spin
(fluff on the needle)
                              Multi-story vitamin
(fluff on the needle)
                                Can't get out or get back in
(fluff on the needle)
                                  Like a plastic aspirin
(fluff on the needle)
                                    There's no tellin' where I've been
(fluff on the needle..Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......)


Fluff on the needle
It's a teenager's curse
Fluff on the needle
I hope it don't get worse
Fluff on the needle
It's a teenager's curse
Fluff on the needle
I hope it don't get worse

Fluff on the needle
Fluff on the needle

I'm sorry
I'll get a new stylus
I won't let you down
I never knew you took dust seriously...

For The Benefit Of Mankind(original lyrics - Bonzo Dog "new" version slightly different)

Ever since I was knee-high to a bandy dragonfly
I've been asking questions, "Why?"
For the benefit of mankind
(For the benefit of mankind)

I compared the monkey's tail
to the flipper of the whale
and the Buddhist's fingernail
For the benefit of mankind
(For the benefit of mankind)

For the benefit of mankind
For the benefit of mankind
For the anthropological technicalogical benefit of mankind

For the benefit of mankind
For the benefit of mankind
For the anthropological technicalogical benefit of mankind

I've seen pandas on the wing
Heard the brontosaurus sing
And I've measured balls of string
For the benefit of mankind
(For the benefit of mankind)

I've untangled tambourines
Disinfected aubergines
Looped a loop in submarines
For the benefit of mankind
(For the benefit of mankind)

For the benefit of mankind
For the benefit of mankind
For the abracadabrical polysyllabical benefit of mankind

For the benefit of mankind
For the benefit of mankind
For the abracadabrical polysyllabical benefit of mankind

For the purely statistical theosophistical characteristical man in the street
My proper reality universality fundamentality cannot be beat!
(his fundamentality cannot be beat)
My fundamentality cannot be beat!
(his fundamentality cannot be beat!)

For the benefit of mankind
For the benefit of mankind
For the simply omnivorous wholly vociferous benefit of mankind

For the benefit of mankind
For the benefit of mankind
For the simply omnivorous wholly vociferous benefit of mankind

For the benefit of mankind
For the benefit of mankind
For the anthropological technicalogical
abracadabrical polysyllabical
simply omnivorous holy vociferous! benefit of mankind
HEY!

Radio studio performance with Andy Roberts download

Fortune Teller

I didn't want no trouble
I was runnin' from the mob
When the circus came to town
I went lookin' for a job
But the circus couldn't use me
So I turned about to leave
When a gypsy fortune teller
Grabbed me by the sleeve
She took me to her wagon
Where I fixed a broken wheel
And in return her secrets
To me she did reveal

Let 'em all roll up
And get their money's worth
It all comes down to the greatest show on earth

She said that she was restless
For some wide and open space
By tomorrow she'd be gone
And that I could take her place
Well I did not need persuading
I knew I could not fail
I called myself Candida
And hid behind a veil

Let 'em all roll up
And get their money's worth
It all comes down to the greatest show on earth

Well I've traveled far and wide
And though I never told the truth
Kings and queens and presidents
Came flocking to my booth
For what the future holds in store
Is anybody's guess
While fortunes can be made
From people's loneliness

So let 'em all roll up
And get their money's worth
It all comes down to the greatest show on earth
Yeah let 'em all roll up
And get their money's worth
It all comes down to the greatest show on earth

Fresh Wound

It'll only take a minute of your time
To tell you I love you
Oh, you shouldn't be such a tease
Oh, oh woah
Oh, oh woah

Every time I look into your eyes
I know that I love you
Oh I'm beggin' on bended knees
Ooh, oh woah
Ooh, oh woah

Girl, when I see you tonight
Oh, I'm gonna make you mine
Girl, when I see you tonight
Everything'll be fi- HINE!!

C'mon George, snap out of it

Yes, if you'll just give me a minute of your time,
I will explain!

Truth is just a word and words are just
Words are words but truth is what we trust
How can we know if words fill our brains?
How can we show if blood fills our veins?
Truth in words is like our blood congealed
Words like turds escape but truth is sealed
Analysis
Transplant has gone wrong
Paralysis
Now you don't belong

I'm like a fresh wound over you
Over you

So meet me on the corner of your life
Meet me on the corner of your life ah!
Meet me on the corner of your life!
Baby baby baby baby oh baby!
Baaaaybeee, baby, baby oh baby!
Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, oh, rabbit on me now!
All over me!
All over me now!
Take it home!
Take it all! I want it all!
Oh, right in the kidneys, baby!

C'mon, I know you can bring it on home

Friends At The End

The telephone rings you pick it up you say hello, hello this is an old friend how are you
I'm fine you say and you?
There's a little awkward small talk and then the bad news
Have you heard, so and so's caught the big one
It was just like that right out of the blue
You wanna know how how bad
Just a matter of time is the clinical view

Oh my, nobody wants to die but it can hit you right between the eyes
When you're talking about friends at the end of the line

You put the phone down thinking oh god not another one
Then close to tears
You selfishly begin to count up all the loved ones you have lost
Over the years
You try to picture their faces while there's something going on
In the place where your stomach used to be
Then you realize it's the oldest and the coldest feeling ever known to humanity

Fallen fruit must decompose
Feed the birds and busy those
The squirm around in the graveyard mud
Empty bedpans and wash away the blood
Oh my
Nobody wants to die but it can hit you right between the eyes
When you're talking about friends at the end of the line

On a cold and sunny late November day you walk around under clear blue skies
Kick some leaves, sniff the bonfire smoke and attempt to philosophise
How will it be when it's your turn to go?
Will you find a few famous last words to say?
Or will you simply fall asleep knowing that nothing in the universe ever really goes away?

Oh my, nobody wants to die but it can hit you right between the eyes
When you're talking about friends at the end of the line

Here come all the suns
Here comes all the light
Everything and nothing in one
Sweet kiss goodnight
Everything and nothing
All creatures great and small
Everything and nothing
God bless us all
Worn out shoes
And rusty cars
We are all the stuff of stars
Sub atomic carbon based
Every day is made in space
As it was before your birth
Nothing lasts forever on earth

Oh my, nobody wants to die but it can hit you right between the eyes
When you're talking about friends at the end of the line
When you're talking about friends at the end of the line
When you're talking about friends at the end of the line

Front Loader

It's so far out
It's outta sight
No heavy scene
No gettin' uptight
So, just stay loose, my brother
I'll tell you where it's at
You can all get it on at the local laundromat, yeah!

Front Loader, let me turn you on
Front Loader, you and me just havin' fun
Front Loader, my words I won't mince
I just love your fully automated second rinse
Ooooh, yeah, yeah!

If I could I'd do my laundry
Every night of the week
I guess that you could call me
A laundry freak
My clothes are all worn through
But I just don't care
'Cause when I get a heavy load
I just got to share it with my

Front Loader, all bubbles and foam
Front Loader, enamel and chrome
Front Loader, my sheets will never tangle
'Cause with your spin dry there's no need for a mangle

Front Loader, you know my need is urgent
Front Loader, I got all my detergent
Front Loader, sometimes I do despair
You're the only one but me who sees my underwear

Rutland Weekend Television

Innes Book of Records